"I knew this was meant for me."

How often do we neglect the severity of what we say out of our mouths? How often do we reflect on the dangers of the tongue and the difficulties it has placed us in on many occasions? Have we ever considered the detriment our words can have on our inner peace and reaping the rewards of the sincere actions of our hearts?

How do we navigate and manage our relationships when it comes to communicating how we feel — especially when we feel uncomfortable, angry, or displeased?  Even if you’re not usually the one aiming to have the last word in an argument, don’t use profanity to describe a feeling or to get a point across, or just want to prove that you are right, what is the proper course of action when using your tongue in these circumstances?

I have been a target of my very own tongue on many occasions, mostly surrounding uncomfortable, angry, and displeasing situations. When I feel fed up, bullied, and taken advantage of my feelings have gotten the best of me, and I have used my tongue as a defense. Much to my displeasure and almost always feeling bad afterward, but also at a loss of how I was supposed to stand up for myself and not continue to be abused.

I recently had a situation with a daughter of mine which made me want to analyze and take a closer look at how I used my tongue to communicate my anger and displeasure with her behavior. In taking an honest look at my actions and words I didn’t like that I allowed my tongue to control how I expressed my feelings. I remembered that I am in control of my body, and I must be disciplined and careful in my thoughts and actions if I am to use them to benefit me and not cause myself harm. 

What I desire most out of this life, is the pleasures of the next life and the tongue is our biggest downfall. With words, we can undo everything that we have so preciously, tediously, and painstakingly worked for our entire life. May Allah (God) guide us to His Mercy and pardon us. May He put nour (light) in our tongues and our hearts.

The following morning after my night of thoughts and reflection on my feelings of how I can overcome this disease, a close sister of mine sent me a khutbah (sermon) titled, Do You Like to Argue?  Alhamdulillah (All praise and thanks are due to Allah)! I never spoke to her about my feelings so I knew this was meant for me. I don’t like to argue, I am an avoider, and arguing is one of my greatest dislikes and makes me upset and uncomfortable. I do not need the last word, and many times I try to avoid arguments altogether. But I knew it was sent to support me in changing how I use my tongue to protect myself when I am being bullied and taken advantage of in relationships and situations, especially personal ones.

In this khutbah (sermon) it discussed many characteristics of those who like to argue and how it takes away from you having a good disposition and how it can creep into your spiritual demeanor. More importantly, the Imam (Muslim Leader) described the characteristics of the one who leaves an argument for the pleasure of His Lord, seeking only His reward and refuge from the evil with which one is confronted at that very moment.  He further explained and reminded us that harmful speech can wipe away our good deeds if we are not careful to guard our tongues in fear of undoing the good we have put forward and displeasing Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala (The Most Glorified, the Most High). I am grateful to have received this reminder and hope it is helpful to you as well.

Our actions should not be taken lightly and we should never neglect guarding and tending to them. That is why I believe therapeutic self-care is so important to our daily lives. When we do not focus on self-care in a way that is therapeutic to our being, supplying us with the healing that we need to manage a consistent source of peace and well-being we can fall into the traps of the one who whispers (Shaytan/devil) and we can find ourselves casualties of our own evil due to neglect and forgetfulness of our responsibility to take care of ourselves.

We constantly need nourishment, reassurance, and reminders that we will all be held accountable and that no one is getting away with anything they have done in this life. So, while every now and again I may get upset with those who are taking advantage of me and treating me poorly, I must remember that I should be more concerned with my very own actions because just like they will be recompensed for their actions in this life and the next so will I.

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May you find complete healing on your path!

Healing Motivation is a blog that explores the transformative power of resilience, self-compassion, and spiritual growth. Through reflections, stories, and practical insights, it invites readers to embrace their healing journey and find inspiration in life’s challenges.

These statements are for informational purposes only and are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Always consult your Physician on health and wellness matters.